the perfect song

Lyrics to Right Here :
I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting




the first time I saw Kevin was when I walked into my freshman science class in 2002.
"Right Here" by Staind was released as the first single of the bands cd 'Chapter V' in 2005. By the time this song came out I was head over heels in love with him. Staind was the only band we ever agreed on. Ever. in the almost 8 years that Ive known him this has always been the one band whos music we loved to share. I loved hearing this song with him but I loved it even more when I was in the car alone. I could be having the worst day and I would turn up the radio and this song would come on and everything that was bringing me down didnt bother me so much anymore. this song would light me up from the inside out. I would think of him, his face, his smile, his touch, his kiss, and I would think how perfect this song was for us but truth is I never paid much attention to the words. all I knew was that no matter what he always knew just what to say or do to keep me hooked and to keep waiting for him and hoping for forever.

I still love this band, I still find myself thinking of their songs whenever something happens and always picking out the perfect one to embody the moment, but I cant bring myself to play the songs. I cant stand to hear these songs I once loved so much. it hurts more than I can ever posisbly explain. I feel my heart tearing. and it hurts more because I know he can listen to it without even flinching and that when these songs, possibly the very one above, come on the radio when hes in the car with her, hes holding her hand while he sings along off key, not mine. that thought kills me.

for the first time in a long time I took a long hard look at these lyrics and I realize now just how perfect they really are. Kevin was right. I didnt give him a chance to show me how much he had changed. I was so hurt and so afraid of being hurt again I couldnt stop and look for change I was just waiting for the same mistakes. I was all to ready to through his mistakes in his face. but no matter what I did to drive him away, I was always waiting for him, I still am. I dont blame him for the choices hes made and I probably would have done the same thing had been in his place but I still love him. very, very slowly Im finding peace but the fact is deep down Im still waiting. I dont know if he knows what hes doing to me when he talks to me but he always says just the right thing to keep me waiting. just the right words to keep me hoping. sometimes it makes me angry and I feel like its not fair for him to do this to me cause I suspect he knows what hes doing but at the same time I dont want him to stop.

my parents have been divorced for 15 years. if they had never divorced, today, August 24, 2010 would have been their 25th wedding anniversary. my parents are getting remarried, to each other, March 26, 2011. they have been together (off and on granted) for 28 years. thats more than half their lives. that knowlage terrifies me. I dont want to find myself in thier place 20 years from now. I dont want to find myself still clinging to something that may not be meant to be. I want to do it and get it right once. I want to celebrate a 25th anniversary with a husband, not an ex husband who Im going to remarry. I want to spend my 25th anniversary renewing my still intact vows, not having to repeat them as though for the first time. Im scared. Im scared Im never going to get it right. Im scared that we're going to be caught in this vicious circle forever. Im afraid that we did have it right but that we were just too stupid to know it and because of that we didnt really deserve it in the first place. Im just so afraid....