so its pretty much to come the point that if you dont know anything about the twilight craze your either under the age of comprehenssion or living under a rock somewhere.
I'll admit, Im 22 and I have read all 4 books mulitiple times each and I love them. I never planned on reading them and to be honest I had never even heard of them until I saw the trailer for the very first movie. few days later I was at work and it turned out we were selling the first book. it took about a week and then I finally gave in and started reading it. I'll admit, I couldnt put the damn thing down. I was hooked. I had no desire to see the movie but I wanted to read all the books. and I did. I bought the first one, my ex bought me the second one, my dad bought me the third and my mom bought me the fourth.
I know my first post might make it seem like my ex was the only man Ive loved but in truth, hes not. as emo and prepubescent as this is going to make me seem, thats why I love the series so much. Im not a child who thinks shes known love, Im a grown woman who has known love. and heartache. Im also one of those fools whos fallen in love with more than one person at a time and has had to suffer through something I couldnt control.
the main thing with the whole twilight craze at this point is weather your team jacob or team edward. if your team edward, your for the vampire boyfriend slash fiancee slash eventual eternal husband. if your team jacob, your for the werewolf bestfriend whos known bella longer than edward and whos in love with her and willing to make a fool of his heart by fighting for her even though he knows hes going to lose but keeps fighting because he knows she loves him too, even though it takes her forever to admt it.
I know that feeling. Ive been in love, real love, twice in my life. the first time was with my ex fiancee, the second, my best friend. yea, Im one of those girls whos best friend is a guy. Ive known my "jacob" since we were in middle school. all through high school I always thought hw was such a cutie but he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend I loved. even when we would fight and break up, I loved him. it wasnt until college that I he and I got really close. he was practically family at that point. we were both going into the same family pretty much. I was engaged and he was room mates with my brother in law to be. we thought it was great. and then he got sick and had to move back home from school. thats when it all changed. we started talking more. he was the one I found myself turning to when me and my "edward" fought or I was unhappy with things. and he was always there to listen to me and let me cry. my ex wasnt perfect and he didnt always treat me right but when things were good, they were really good. but with my best friend, things were better. I could be me, the real me. all the time.
I know its gonna sound strange considering my first post, but...as for the whole twilight thing....and in life......Im team jacob. Jacob is just Jacob. he doesnt pretend to be anything hes not. he wears his heart on his sleeve and is not afraid to fight for what he wants. he loves Bella enough to fight for her. hes always done his best to be there for her. he screwed up once and hurt her, broke her heart and he knew it. he knew he was a jerk, and he did what he could to make up for it. even after she took him back into her life and forgave him for breaking her heart too, he still couldnt help but be a jerk sometimes, but she knew it was just for show, becuase he knew he couldnt win. yea that makes him a bit of an asshole and yea some girls like that. I like that because he isnt afraid to show how he feels. he never is. Edward on the other hand hides these things. hes not willing to show that he'll fight for Bella. she knows he loves her and wants her forever but sometimes you need to hear it, you need to see it. sometimes saying forever isnt enough. sometimes you need to see it.
Edwards also the reason Jacob even came into the picture. if he had never left her, if he had never assumed he knew best for her, she never would have had to turn to Jacob. if kevin had never neglected me and shown me less than the respect I deserved I never would have seen how much joshua had to offer me. how much he does offer me. with kevin it was always about wanting us to be equal but never treating me as an equal. he always wanted to be "boss". always wanted to be over me, to be in charge of me, but yet he couldnt accept me, couldnt accept my faults. joshua can. joshua knows everything about me. knows every mistake Ive made, every scar, every bruise. everything Ive hoped for, feared, wished for, cried for. and he still sticks around. he doesnt pretend I dont have a past the way kevin always did. he accepts that Ive been human and had a past, and he loves me for the future Im capable of.
I know the day I fell in love with him. with joshua. we were at a museum, seeing an exhibit on the human body. and all its wonders. there was a closed off section. it was the part of the exhibit about pregnancy. the thing about this exhibit is that everything in it, every body and bone and muscle used is from an actual cadaver. every piece of that exhibit was once a living, breathing person. every baby, and fetus, was once a life that almost happened. we were with anther friend and they were both worried about me going in to see the pregnancy portion of the exhibit. I left them standing and debating it and walked in. I didnt last long, nor did I think I would. I slipped out when I thought they werent watching me. joshua was of course. he followed me out and found me a few feet away crying silently. he didnt say a word. he knew why I was in tears. he knew I was greiving the children Id wanted so much when another man. he didnt say anything at all. he walked up next to me, put his arm around me and let me cry. he never said a word, until I was done. he just looked me and asked if I was ready to go. can you blame me for falling in love? he fought for me too. he put in the effort to be with me and to show me he cared. kevin never did. all I wanted was for kevin to want me as much I wanted him. for him to fight for me, or at least show me he was willing to. he never was. he just expected me to know.
words arent enough sometimes. sometimes you need more. you need someone who shows they want you around, someone who will call you, make plans with you, hang out with you. someone who will lay in bed with you and just hold while you cry for someone else. someone who loves you and is afraid of it because they dont think theyre good enough. that was me with kevin, and I never expected anyone to feel that way about me, and then joshua came along. I love kevin, even now, but I also love joshua. hes my soul mate, I know that. hes my other half. but even still, even though Im always rooting for team jacob, in the end team edward wins....right? guess I'll just have to wait and see.
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